week one

so it's been about a week since my doctors appointment. and these are the things i've learned about my eating habits and what foods my stomach does not like:

I usually eat really good (meaning healthy, low calorie and low carb) until about 10pm. after that time, it all goes down hill. which really sucks for me, because since i work at night I eat really late and that even carries on to the nights i'm not working.

I had a moment today- i was watching a tv show and a girl i went to college with was in it. and she looked pretty amazing. she never looked amazing and now she looks amazing. so immediately I wanted to kill myself and start throwing up everything i had eaten all day (but i hate throwing up, even when i'm sick i'd rather not throw up, so needless to say, i didn't throw up).

so, anyway, i dont know what all this means except that i had a moment and i don't like the way i look anymore and that directly is affecting how i feel about myself. so blah. i feel blah.